Top tips: Having difficult conversations

Difficult conversations are an inevitable part of managing an early years setting. Whether discussing development, behaviour, attendance, well-being or a concern raised by a parent, the aim should always be to keep the child at the centre while maintaining a positive partnership with families.

Top tips for having difficult conversations

1. Prepare beforehand by making sure you have the relevant facts, observations and records. Be clear about what you need to discuss and what outcome you would like
2. Choose the right time and place, have sensitive conversations privately and make sure you allow enough time. Avoid discussing complex or confidential matters hurriedly at drop-off or collection
3. Start with the positives. Begin by sharing the child's strengths, interests and successes. This helps parents to feel that the conversation is balanced and child-centred
4. Listen before responding by giving parents time to share their views and experiences. They may have important information from home that could help you understand the situation
5. Use factual, non-judgemental language. Talk about what you have observed rather than making assumptions. For example, words like "We've noticed..." rather than "She's being difficult" can help support a constructive conversation
6. Acknowledge emotions. Parents may feel worried, upset or defensive. Recognising their feelings can help reduce tension and demonstrate empathy
7. Focus on working together, such as by using phrases like, "How can we support the child together?" Agree strategies that can be used consistently at home and within the setting
8. Stay professional and know your boundaries. Remain calm if a parent disagrees with you. Listen respectfully, but be clear about setting policies and expectations for appropriate communication
9. Agree clear next steps and make sure everyone understands what will happen next, who is responsible and when progress will be reviewed
10. Keep factual records of significant conversations and agreed actions. Follow up with the family to show that their concerns have been listened to and acted upon.

Remember: A difficult conversation doesn't have to damage the relationship with the parent. When you communicate with empathy, honesty and clarity, challenging conversations can become opportunities to build trust and achieve better outcomes for children.

NDNA products to support these top tips

SEND: Courageous Conversations – online course